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Chapter 101 - Blame



Syryn stood on the rooftop and watched three avians turn into dots in the sky.

"Syryn," Red held out candied ginger to the teen. "Luci kept insisting that we share it with you."

The alchemist squinted at the single slice of ginger on Lucien\'s palm. "How generous," he dryly said to the redhead before popping it in his mouth.

"Not our fault. It was wrapped in paper inside my pocket but I spilt most of it while killing the assholes who were waiting outside the rift."

"There was an ambush waiting?" Syryn did a once over of the redhead like he expected a wound to magically appear.

"Birds. Two of them."

"And where are the bodies?"

"Behind some bushes."

"So the attempt was on Riaku\'s life."

"That would seem to be the case."

Syryn let out a deep exhale. "What a disastrous start to a journey I had envisioned as a vacation."

"I was looking forward to it too," Red said to Syryn. "I miss being an adult. So many things I could do on my own then."

"I\'m not depriving you of anything am I?" Syryn asked the morose looking redhead.

"I miss doing the no pants dance."

Syryn recognised the euphemism and he didn\'t want to have this conversation.

"It\'s the best way to get my mind off things I\'d rather not think about."

"You could just get a hobby. Or go find some criminals to kill."

"Setting aside the fact that Luci is aware of what happens to his body, where will I even find a good looking adult man willing to dance with a 12-year-old me? Even if I did find someone like that, I\'d slaughter him. How the hell did you hold out, Syryn?"

Syryn really didnt want to talk about it but Red wasn\'t letting it go.

"Self-control," he answered. "And lots of alone time."

Red felt like weeping. "I can\'t even do that. Which deity decided to punish me by sticking my consciousness with a baby Luci?"

Syryn felt sorry for Red but neither had a solution for his frustrations. "Get a hobby."

"You\'re so useless," Red grumbled. "I dont know why I keep coming to you with my problems."

"Because you can\'t tell anyone else about it."

The brothers lapsed into silence and watched a tuft of cloud block the sunlight that fell directly on the cottage.

"Why do you think he hasn\'t come for us already?" Red asked.

"Who?"

"Traxdart."

Syryn had thought about it as well.

"He only picks up the broken ones," Syryn answered.

"Are we not broken?" Red asked as he leaned over the edge of the roof. A dizzying drop down the cliff face beckoned for him to jump.

"I don\'t know. Traxdart must have seen how well we\'ve integrated into human society."

"Tamed domestic demons. Look at us."

"We could do worse. Do you want to go back to Traxdart?"

"I don\'t," Red answered. "But it\'s inevitable, isn\'t it? Prophecies are usually never wrong when they come from a deity."

Syryn hated thinking about the prophecy. Red was correct about it but there was no way he would hand over Lucien to the emperor, not without a fight.

"Traxdart can pry you from my cold dead hands then."

"I\'m touched," Red snorted. "You\'re making me think you like me."

In their past life, Red and Syryn hadn\'t interacted much. It was strange how they\'d become family.

"Red, is Luci listening?" Syryn wanted to ask him some personal questions that weren\'t for Luci\'s ears.

"He is. It\'s no longer possible to shut him out. Luci asks a lot of questions about us you know."

"Do you answer them?"

"Some."

Syryn decided to go ahead with his queries in a roundabout manner. "How did Zimzi\'s lover die?" Zimzi\'s lover had been Red. Syryn had escaped his mortal coils before Lucien so he wasn\'t privy to the events that occurred after his death.

The redhead stiffened next to Syryn. "I don\'t remember."

"You don\'t remember or you dont want to tell?"

"I don\'t remember. There\'s a lot I can\'t remember."

Syryn didnt think Red was lying. "Why did you never tell me that you were missing memories?"

"Because there was no reason to mention it. I thought they would all eventually come to me." The redhead was dangling his feet from the edge of the roof. "Won\'t they?"

The alchemist wasn\'t sure if they would. He himself was allegedly missing his memories and unable to do anything about it.

"How did you even realise that you possess memories you haven\'t unlocked?"

"Because they end abruptly. It\'s like a story that\'s missing the last pages of its tale. Is it not the same for you?"

"No," Syryn answered. "I- mine ended."

The redhead inclined his head to turn up curious scarlet eyes at the alchemist. "Was it a good end?"

"Yes," Syryn answered. "But I\'m not so sure anymore."

The two of them heard the sounds of footsteps behind them. It was Wen. The avian was perfectly capable of stalking without making any noise. The sounds were a courtesy to let the brothers know that he was approaching.

"Why dont you come down and eat something?" He asked them.

"I\'m not hungry," Lucien replied.

"Is it a freshly cooked meal or are we having dried rations?" Syryn was a little hungry after all the excitement the day had thrown at them.

"Cured ham, stew, and some fruit bread. The stew is piping hot right now."

Lucien perked up even though he wasn\'t hungry. "That sounds delicious."

"I thought you said you weren\'t hungry," Syryn said to the redhead.

"Doesn\'t mean I can\'t eat."

The hours crawled by very slowly after their meal. Syryn kept checking on Gosan to occupy his time while Lucien indulged in a lazy nap with the cats. Just as he was about to fall asleep, Luci said something that drove away the sandman\'s magic.

(You\'re hiding many things from me, Red.)

[...]

(I know you\'re awake.)

[Luci, can\'t you pick another time to do this?]

(Now is a good time.)

[It\'s not.]

(What\'s a no pants dance?)

[It\'s when you run out of clean clothes to wear because you\'ve not done laundry.]

(And you miss that?)

[Of course, I do. Who doesn\'t miss being lazy?]

(You make sense.)

[Yup.]

(Red, who are you? Is that really your name?)

[We\'ve gone through this before Luci. I can\'t talk about it.]

(Meaning you dont want to talk about it.)

[Both]

(It\'s not fair.)

[Most things in life aren\'t.]

(At least tell me your name.)

[It\'s Red.]

(No it isn\'t!)

[Fine, it isn\'t. My name is also Lucien.]

(Liar.)

[But it is. We are alike in many ways and that\'s why I ended up here with you.]

(Are you going to tell me that story again? I\'m no longer a baby who will believe any fancy tale you try to feed me.)

[You\'re twelve, Luci. Take joy in every second of the childhood that you\'ve been given, because when you grow up, the demons will catch you and you\'ll wish you were still twelve and ignorant.]

(You\'re contradicting yourself. Didn\'t you tell me I had to stop relying on big brother? I\'ve seen you kill people. I\'m no longer an ignorant child.)

[You\'re right. I\'m sorry for calling you ignorant, Luci, but you are. We\'re all ignorant about many things.]

(What are you talking about?)

[I had to expose you to death because of your nature as a half-demon. But there are some things you can only understand when you\'re older.]

(Like what)

[Like why life is unfair to some of us. Or why innocent kids are sacrificed at the altar of an adult\'s sins. This world is cruel to children like you.]

(Am I lucky then?)

[Yes you are. You\'ll understand and thank Syryn someday.]

(I\'m already grateful to Syryn though... He rescued me.)

[You have no idea, Luci.]

(Then tell me.)

[Someday.]

(Alright. But you promise to tell me before you disappear?)

[I promise.]

(That\'s not what you\'re supposed to say!!)

[What?? What do you want me to say then?]

(That you\'ll never leave me!)

[I won\'t ever leave you. Never.]

(You\'re contradicting yourself again... If you never leave me, how will you disappear?)

[I am capable of both. Have some faith in me, Luci.]

(You mean it?)

[Yes. Every word of it. I\'ll be watching over you. Even when you stop hearing my voice, I\'ll be right here with you.]

Tears misted Lucien\'s eyes as he thought of a lonely existence without Red.

[Why are you crying?]

(You\'re the one that\'s crying!)

[... Fine. I\'m crying.]

(Why are you crying, Lucien?)

[Lucien?]

(You said that it\'s your name.)

[Yes. I\'m Lucien.]

It felt like he had just released the waters from a dam that had been building pressure over many years.

(So why are you crying, Lucien?)

It seemed Luci was determined to pin the tear works on Red.

[I\'m crying because dust got inside my eyes.]

(But your eyes were closed this whole time!)

[....]

(Are you sad?)

[I am not sad.]

(You\'re sad. Tell me why.)

[I said I\'m not sad you annoying brat.]

(I felt it. These days, I can tell how you feel.)

[Since when?]

(It was on that day Magnus left. I could feel your sadness. I cried selfishly while you tried to comfort me even though you were hurting just as much as I was. I\'m sorry, Lucien.)

Luci had felt Red\'s intense emotions on that day. Was it because of how deep he felt? Red wondered. Or could it be that they were integrating faster than he had assumed?

[And you feel my sadness right now?]

(Yes)

[Okay, Luci. I\'m sad because I was remembering some things.]

(Then dont remember them. I ignore the memories that make me feel uncomfortable.)

[But you shouldn\'t. They\'ll always be there, growing in strength, and waiting to ambush you when you least expect it.]

(Then what must I do?)

[You face your ghosts, Luci. Let them know that you\'re stronger than they are and that they\'ll never have any power over you.]

(By remembering?)

[Yes. By remembering and forgiving yourself for being a child. Nothing was ever your fault.]

This time, the tears weren\'t Luci\'s.

(Don\'t cry, Lucien. It wasn\'t your fault...)

[Dont act like you know anything about me, brat.]

(I dont. But I just thought about how you must have made mistakes when you were my age and had no one to tell you it wasn\'t your fault. Did you never accidentally knock down a potion and blame it on a cat?)

[That was clearly your fault! Poor Navi had to take the blame.]

(Yes. I couldn\'t think of a better example.)

[That\'s okay. I\'d like to take a nap now, Luci.]

(Me too.)

[Then stop talking.]

(Mmmm)


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